What I Learned in 10 Years of Student Counselling (and What Actually Helps)
Campus life can be brilliant and brutal—often on the same day. After a decade in university student counselling, here are the patterns I saw most often, and the practical things that consistently made a difference.
1) Most students aren’t “broken”—they’re overloaded
University stacks new demands all at once: independent study, deadlines, money, friendships, identity, sometimes work and caregiving. When someone says “I’m failing at life,” it’s usually a load problem, not a character problem.
What helps: name the load. List your current pressures (study, work, home, health, money). If three or more are heavy at once, reframe expectations: this is a tough season, not proof you’re not capable.
2) Anxiety shrinks when you give it a job
Trying to “stop worrying” rarely works. Giving anxiety a structure does.
Try this:
In-the-moment: 5 long, slow exhales (longer out-breath than in).
Daily: a 10–15 minute worry window in the evening. When worries pop up, say “I’ll bring this to my 7pm slot.” At 7pm, write them down, choose one small action, park the rest.
3) Sleep is the quiet superpower
Everything is harder when sleep is ragged—mood, focus, memory, decision-making.
Anchors that work:
Fixed wake-up time (even on weekends, within an hour).
Dim the last hour: lights down, phone away from the bed.
Wind-down routine: shower, stretch, read paper pages, repeat nightly.
If you can’t sleep, get up, do something calm for 15 minutes, try again—don’t “battle” the pillow.
4) Motivation follows action, not the other way around
Waiting to feel ready can keep you stuck. Tiny starts create momentum.
The 10-minute rule: pick the smallest possible first step (open the document, name the assignment, write a terrible first sentence) and set a 10-minute timer. When the timer ends you can stop—most people keep going.
5) Procrastination is usually protection
It’s often protecting you from fear of not being good enough, not laziness.
Anti-perfection tools:
Aim for B-minus first drafts.
Write the ugly outline (headings only, bullets later).
Separate drafting (messy) from editing (polish) in different sessions.
6) Executive function loves scaffolding
Brains vary. Many students benefit from more external structure than school required.
Scaffolds that help:
Time boxing: calendar blocks for reading/problem sets/admin.
Task triage (MITs): one Most Important Task before noon.
Body double: study with a friend, library, or “focus room” app.
The landing zone: one spot for keys, laptop, charger, ID—every day.
7) Studying efficiently beats studying more
Common traps: rereading notes and passive highlighting. They feel productive, but they don’t stick.
Stickier methods:
Active recall: close the book and teach it out loud to your wall.
Spaced practice: short, repeated sessions over days > one marathon.
Past papers: practise under time, mark your own work against criteria.
8) Belonging is protective
Loneliness magnifies stress. You don’t need a huge circle; you need one or two safe people.
Where to find them: lab groups, societies, course WhatsApp, peer mentors, office hours. Send the 20-second message: “Hey, want to try the 10–12 focus room tomorrow?” Low pressure, high payoff.
9) Ask early—there are more supports than you think
Universities offer counselling, wellbeing workshops, disability/support services, learning support, student advisers, money advice, international student supports. Many students wait until a crisis; asking early is a strength.
Email script to a lecturer/tutor:
Subject: Brief check-in re [Module Code]
Hi [Name], I’m experiencing some difficulties that are affecting my study. Could I meet briefly to discuss what’s realistic for [assignment/exam]? I’d appreciate guidance on priorities.
Thanks, [Your Name], [Student No.]
To Disability/Access services:
I’m exploring whether learning supports or exam accommodations might help. Could we discuss options and what documentation you need?
10) Neurodiversity is common—and universal design helps everyone
Many students discover ADHD or autism in adulthood; others simply benefit from the same tools: clear routines, visual planners, noise management, explicit deadlines, flexibility where possible. You don’t need a label to use what works.
11) When things feel dark, switch to safety mode
If you’re feeling hopeless, thinking about harming yourself, or your behaviour is getting risky, tell someone today—a trusted person, your university service, your GP, or emergency services. Safety first; the rest can wait.
12) One powerful hour beats months of muddling
When students felt lost, a single Clarification Session—mapping what’s happening, naming needs, deciding the next two steps—often moved them more than weeks of worrying alone. Clarity reduces noise.
A simple plan you can start today
Name the load: write your current pressures; circle the top two.
Set anchors: fixed wake time; a weekly study/commitments view; one worry window.
Pick one scaffold: time box your next two days or set up a body-double session.
Write two emails: one to a lecturer/tutor; one to a friend/peer to co-study.
Ten-minute start: open the hardest task and work for ten. Stop or continue—your choice.
Stick these on a note; imperfect action beats perfect plans.
For staff and parents (what actually helps)
Validate first, solve second: “Makes sense you’re overwhelmed. Let’s pick one small next step.”
Protect sleep and rhythm: support routine rather than punishing dips.
Signpost early: counselling, disability/access, advisers, financial supports.
Keep doors open: one check-in message can be the bridge back.
If you’d like support
I’m a doctorate-qualified Counselling Psychologist (13+ years). I offer online and in-person sessions in Dublin, plus a limited Student Daytime Clinic (reduced fee) for brief, practical support. If you’re stuck or unsure of next steps, a once-off Clarification Session can help you create a simple, workable plan.
You’re not behind. You’re building skills for a life that keeps changing—and that’s exactly what university is for.
