The Fawn Response: The Link Between Trauma and People-Pleasing
Understanding the Fawn Response
The "fawn response" is a lesser-known trauma response, alongside fight, flight, and freeze. It refers to a survival mechanism where individuals cope with fear and abuse by appeasing others to avoid conflict, criticism, or harm. This response often develops in childhood when a person grows up in an environment where their emotional or physical safety depends on keeping caregivers being pleased.
Origins of the Fawn Response
The concept of fawning was introduced by therapist Pete Walker, who specializes in complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Fawning occurs when an individual, rather than confronting or escaping danger, resorts to excessive people-pleasing to maintain a sense of security. This coping strategy becomes deeply ingrained, shaping how a person interacts in relationships throughout their life.
How Trauma Leads to People-Pleasing
When a child experiences chronic criticism, neglect, or emotional manipulation, they may learn that their needs and boundaries are secondary to keeping peace within the household. Over time, they become hyper-aware of others' emotions, suppressing their own needs to avoid triggering conflict.
Common causes of the fawn response include:
Growing up with narcissistic, emotionally immature, or abusive caregivers.
Experiencing unpredictable or volatile family dynamics.
Being conditioned to believe that love and acceptance are conditional.
Developing an identity centred around caretaking and conflict avoidance.
Signs of the Fawn Response
People who exhibit the fawn response may struggle with:
Difficulty saying "no" and setting boundaries.
Chronic fear of rejection or disappointing others.
Suppressing personal opinions to avoid conflict.
Feeling responsible for others’ emotions or well-being.
Neglecting their own needs in favour of pleasing others.
Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
Overcoming the fawn response requires self-awareness and intentional effort to unlearn deeply ingrained patterns. Here are some steps to begin healing:
Recognize the Pattern – Acknowledge how your past experiences have shaped your tendency to fawn.
Rebuild Self-Worth – Understand that your value is not dependent on making others happy.
Practice Boundaries – Learn to say "no" without guilt and prioritize your own needs.
Seek Support – Therapy, support groups, or self-help resources can provide guidance and validation.
Develop Authenticity – Start expressing your true thoughts and feelings without fear of rejection.
Key Takeaways
The fawn response is a trauma-based coping mechanism where individuals appease others to avoid conflict.
It often develops in childhood due to emotionally unsafe environments.
Healing involves recognizing the pattern, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-worth.
Breaking free from the fawn response allows individuals to reclaim their identity, build healthier relationships, and live authentically without fear of rejection or conflict.
